By the way, I guess I won the bout' :). I'm in.

About the Black box? That's a tricky one ... let's just put it this way: I got in, managed to open it but it closes again and didn't get the chance to really see what's inside...only glimpses of it. And now, its not around that often for me to check on it.

Do everybody have a flipside to their personality?

I felt honored to have actually been able to open it. Many have failed as I've been told. In fact, many can't even begin to understand the very concept and existence of it. Never expected any reward for such efforts anyway. The answers just came to me almost flawlessly and so seamlessly..it made me locate it and open it effortlessly.

Back on the question of people having a flipside.. do they? I wonder..

I'm experiencing it right now . It makes you wonder how something so surreal turned out to be an illusion after all? it beggars belief especially when it started from a particular time and took a 180-degree turn. Flabbergasted. Gob-smacked.Shocked.Surprised. You name it.

Somehow there are two sides/version to the story. The one that I've been told before and the one now. So which is which? Do I need to believe both now? Which one are you right now?

The Little Black Box

A little black box. Hidden amidst all the hidden walls of uncertainty and mistrust. How do I find you? Show me the way. What would it take to bring down those walls?

I'm slowly drawn to the black box. I'm diving deep, into the unknown. I have a sole quest : to find and open the black box. Do you recognize me? It's ok, can I come in?

A prospective union may not be complete unless I open the black box. Only by opening the box will I be able to fully solve the enigma. Only then will I be able to piece together the pieces together and fully embrace this beauty.

I want it, badly. A chance and opportunity to do the right thing for once may not resurface again in such enticing manner.

Let me in, please.

The Bout

What am I doing?

I've been looking for some answers. In some ways, God has been replying. I'm still trying to figure out these revelations for interpretation. I have to say I am pleased with the developments. Of course, like always, it does not come without challenges. An opportunity presented itself and I took it. I delved into the unknown. I did not know what to expect. I have little expectations initially, boy was I overwhelmed by the outcome.

No doubt I have been 'rusty'. After so many years,it was a refreshing experience. I felt alive at that moment. So long have I been laying low in the shadows. The experience was a mixture of good and bad, it had its good moments and awkward ones. I knew it was my time to shine, it took me an eternity to kick start my engines. Plonkers! How could I been so silly? I froze. I never did before. I could do presentations to a group of people but in front of a single entity? I froze.

I feel ridiculous. But if theres one thing I learned throughout all these years, is to be persistent and have perseverance. A lot of successful people have these traits. I know it might take a longer time for me, but I guess I'll follow through. I believe this is one opportunity that can't be missed. Forget failure, I'll give it a good fight. I'll do what I can to prove it.

Time out for Round 1. Must not admit defeat after the first round. Plenty of rounds to turn the odds. Getting back to my rhythm. I WILL give it a good fight. For now, let the opponent think that I'm weak. Give them the illusion of power and control. When the right time comes, I will rise and exert my authority into the 'game'. I know I'm good and I can do this.

Back to my old ways 'Follow your gut, not your thoughts'.


A lot has been taken away. It is definitely empty now. What do I do? such a big void to fill up. Though I have tried really hard to fill it up, it doesn't suit the room. I miss all the colorful stuff in the room, colors that really lifts you up and calms you down like a lake.

A lot of 'what if's keep echoing in the room. I wish things had been different. Its like I've bet all my money on a poker game and lost. When you have only one hope and it failed, you are left clueless.

Like a loud music that gets switched off and the music still echoes in your head.
I never had enough of it. And now its empty and I miss it so much.

-excerpt from author's deep thoughts


Just been observing life as it is lately. Well it does look pretty different compared to how it was before. Looking at people who are currently enjoying what I used to have seems pretty weird. I guess its true that 'everybody has their time to shine'.

And its also true that this life has its highs and lows. I pray that high time to come soon and can't wait. After all that happened, I guess He wanted me to recover by presenting all that I've missed before my eyes. I'm beginning to grasp this new concept about life given to me by God.

The most important part to remember is that we are all individuals with different needs and expectations. This is very important to remember especially to those who have not yet met the One/pressured to tie the knot. Some friends I know find it as mandatory to do certain things at a certain age. Between 13-early 20s : Get a girlfriend/boyfriend, between mid 20s-early 30s : Get married . And it doesn't stop there, 1st to 3rd year of marriage : Have a kid.

Everything seems to have an expiry date these days. I pity those who do not have the means to marry a person yet force themselves to do it. Some would go into huge debts just to pay for gift exchanges, reception etc ...

Though I do not condemn such things, I mean it is after all, a wedding. Something that happens once in your lifetime for most people. But must we be subjected to all the unnecessary financial burden just to materialize a one day fantasy? But hey, if you got the dough, spend it all you want.

Is the amount of $$ a person has, has become the measure for love? how about loyalty and kindness?

Can a loyalty for a person for 8-10 years not be more valuable compared those material things?

The value people put into something nowadays seems very superficial. If love unites you in the first place with that particular person, then it should be the one factor that leads to matrimonial bliss, not how much that person can 'afford' you.

Tradition; it can either shape you or corrupt you.

Putting things in perspective

Well it has been a while since my last entry. A lot of things happened ever since the last entry. I see this blog as a new place I just moved in. Many of the people who used to read my blog have since 'retired' from blogging. Should there be any who likes reading what I write here, do let me know if you would like to be added to my new inner circle I'm creating.

A lot needs to be reconstructed, everything needs to start from scratch all over again. Pardon me if the overall look & feel of this blog seems devoid of pastel colors. I guess having colors doesn't seem to fit what I am feeling right now. Shades of gray seem to go easy on my eyes at the moment. I guess I've seen too much color and when it suddenly disappears without mercy and ruthless efficiency, you lost touch of what color appeals to you anymore. Everything looks gray to me at present time.

Although I try to force myself to see some colors, it fails miserably and dissipates into gray.

In time the hardened skin of my recent experiences shall be peeled little by little. I guess that burning desire to write again propelled me to re-boot this blog again.

Like a drug addict on rehab, I have to say I'm going into the 3rd month of trying to stay sober over what happened. I will write what I feel regardless if others do not understand it. I guess this is part of the rehabilitation process.

A Fresh Start

Everybody deserves a fresh start. So here I am. No more restrictions, no more guidelines. Here we go world !